Weather

This change in weather is wearing me out! I've gotten back into the gym since the weather has kept me from walking. It's so dark! It's dark when I get to work and it gets so dark so fast after I get home. Anyway, I try to ignore the dark as I go to the gym - "Go anyway!" right? Today after work I came home and had some wine and cheese and snoozed on the couch. I feel so old! I do enjoy snoozes though. I snoozed after I watched Glenn Beck. Did you know now all the evidence points in the direction of global cooling? It's all cycles. I never did buy into Global Warming, it's all about making Al Gore richer. I can't stand him. Anyway, that's a whole different subject.
I need to work on my creative short story, I'm going to try utilizing suggestions given to me in class, there were some great ones. I don't know what to do with my non fiction though. I like it but what's the point. Does anyone have a hard time finding a point to their stories?

Saturday's Game

I haven't blogged in while, honestly I needed a little break. The assignment we turned in Monday had worn me out. I'm getting excited for Saturday's game because I'm going to make something I used to have as a kid growning up. It's called a Kona. Kona's are pretty easy to make. You brown hamburger and onion together and then season. Next you fill four tortillas with meat and add Valveeta cheese on top. Then you fold it like a burito and deep fry it. I used to love eating them cold in the morning the next day--right out of the fridge! We just got a Presto Cool Touch fryer and I had never gotten one before. I love it because it has a lid that comes down so you don't spatter oil everywhere. It also has a charcoal filter so your house does not smell like a fry factory for a week. I made another little treat called a Dough-god. I'm not sure how to spell it but basically you flatten biscuit dough like a pancake and tear a hole in the middle. When it's done browning in the oil you shake it in sugar. Looks like a doughnut when you are done. They are very messy so it's best to eat them over the kitchen sink! Otherwise, you will definitely be stepping in sugar crystals on the floor! I'm gonna have to head back to the gym with all this rain we've been having; I haven't been able to go on a walk. That's another subject...

Boobs

Back when I was around 13 or so, I guess, I remember when I had to go with my mom to buy my first training bra. I remember feeling so grown up; I was passing into a new part of my life going from little girl to young woman. It was a Saturday and my mom took me to Penneys because she used to work there. She would get a discount any anything she would buy. We headed to the women's langerie department and I remember seeing so many different styles, sizes and colors. Thankfully, when you are looking for a training bra, there really isn't a huge selection to decide from. You have your basic colors; ivory, tan, white. I remember the lady measuring my body to see what my measurement was around my chest, on the outside of my clothes, of course! I remember trying a couple on, I didn't know what they were supposed to feel like. We bought a couple and went home. Immediately I went to my room and put one one. I remember the feeling I had, like a said, I felt like a real woman. I thought for sure everyone would have noticed and approved. All I could think about was how I was feeling, but come to think of it, I'm sure everyone else was just glad I had my girls taken care of. I mean, nobody wants to look at a 13 year girl that obviously needs a bra but doesn't have one. Then they probably look at the mother standing next to her, glaring. "What's the matter with you? Can't you take her to get a bra? Can't you see that she needs one badly? She looks like she has miniature evergreens growing out of her shirt!"

When I had my first child I decided to try and breast feed. I was scared to try but believed it was very important for the baby. I remember coming home from the hospital and the nurses coaching me before I left explaining how the milk come in. Sometimes, the nurse told me, it could take a few days and she assure me not to worry, it would happen. Well, while I was waiting for this to happen, my breasts became more and more sore each time I tried. It got to the point where I actually had blisters on my nipples! I'd actually put a piece of ice on them to help cool them down and numb them. In the meantime I kept growing more and more concerned wondering if my baby was getting anything at all and worrying he would waste away to nothing. My husband would call me barren, which didn't help. Then to top it all off Jonathan would only sleep for a few hours at a time so I was exhausted constantly. So the combination of no milk coming in and my concern about that, the pain of the blisters and the lack of sleep, well, you know what I did? I went and bought some bottles! Problem solved!

I'm thinking of mammograms and pancakes.

Shower and Shave

"Thanks Emily, come back soon, ok?"
I turned to my station looking at the floor and started sweeping up the hair from Emily's head. Too many grays, I'll have to talk to her next time about covering that up with color. As I stood there in a daze, something caught my eye, raising my head I peered out the window. Too late to hide, I took a deep breath wishing I could instantly disappear. The man was haggard, as usual. He slapped his wallet down onto the table, and as he did so smelled like garbage that's been sitting around for days. His shirt stained with what appeared to be last night's dinner. His hair, peppered with sawdust, layed heavy against his forehead and was greasy. His jeans were dirty and ripped on the side, showing his black leg hair. Tan boots covered in cement, dropped particles onto the floor with every step, and were heavy and loud when he walked. When he spoke his voice eched across the room, filling the entire salon with sound.
"I need a haircut and shave!" he bellowed.
All the other girls were busy with their own customers, nothing could save me from that moment. I wanted to tell him to go to the nearest trough and fall in, not coming back until he's clean. I wanted to tell him to stay outside and I'd bring the clippers to him, shaving him like a sheep! I wanted to tell him a lot of certainties regarding hygiene...I remained silent.

Sick?

I've been hearing of so many people that are sick lately but still attempt to go to class, giving other people their sickness, I'm sure. I wish they would stay home and take care of themselves. What makes them think they have to do it all and who is putting this pressure on them? My son goes to UNL and they have communicated to the students and teachers, if a student is sick with the flu, the teacher is not to punish them for not coming to class and the student needs to quarantine themselves from the rest. That's the way it should be. I am not getting impression the people who are blogging are getting this. Does MCC have such a policy? And what if you only have a class that is one night a week? I guess if you are faithful about coming to class in the first place, missing one night is not going to hurt anything, right? But if you are not coming every night you have class.....I can see where being sick could create a problem. If you are doing the right thing in the first place it will all work out in the end. If you're not doing the right thing, I believe you'll be screwed. The hard path is always the correct path. Don't do what is easy. Any moron can handle that. Do what's hard. When I am sick sometimes the hardest thing to do is stay home. I have too much work to do! They need me! Stay home if you're sick.

Bathtub Poem

Rolling across the floor, a small
red ball the size of a tennis
ball, coated with grape jelly marks
put there by the 2 year old who
sent it on its way, rolled right on
to my nice freshly scrubbed floor, but
thankfully did not land on my
freshly washed white rug! Now my 2
year old, coming round the corner,
his fingers covered with the strong
residue of grape jelly, peanut
butter, and bread holds what is left
of a peanut butter and
jelly sandwich, or is it something
else entirely? No, it’s surely
PB&J. He walks up to
me slowly stretching out his small
hands, reaching. Oh no, my little
sweetheart, my little monster covered
in goo, off to the bathtub with
this mess! I swept him up holding
him under his arms; my arms stretched
out as far as they cold go, briskly
walking into the bathroom where
the tub was waiting! I grabbed the
faucet and gave it a turn. Grabbing
the toy bag, Mr. Duck, with his
smooth bright yellow body, fell
right into the water giving
a tiny splash. My son, so
excited, crawled into his play
land, being careful not to slip.
Laughing, he squeezes the soap bottle
sending liquid into the water…
”Bubbles!” he cried. I washed him from
head to toe, scrubbing and rinsing
his tiny frame. Oh, much better
now! Yanking the towel from the
rack, my little boy, now soaked, chilled
and slippery, climbed into the
warm outstretched towel and smiled. I do
believe, at that very moment,
nestled tightly together, there
was no better place to be.

Change Champion

Not much going on tonite, thinking of a meeting I had this morning. We are implementing a new program at work which will eventually enable us to be paperless. I cannot imagine not having a piece of paper between my fingers when I'm processing a claim. It's going to be a challenge for me. Anyway, so I am what is called a Change Champion. I am supposed to communicate to my co-workers anything I learn and to encourage everyone to be excited about this change that is coming and to help them realize how important it will be for our company to stay competative. I sit by a girl that will find anything and everything to complain about; very negative. I think she will have a very hard time with this. Always complaining. Management is supposed to give us the tools to help us do what we are called on to do. Being asked to participate in this manner, I think, is a real plus for me. It means that I am viewed as a positive person who has leadership qualities. Someone who is flexible and open to new things. I am glad to be a part of this group.

Writing Assignment #3 Poetry

Right now? I am standing over the sink
washing and scrubbing, rinsing and scrubbing
runny egg yolks mixed with hash browns from this
morning’s breakfast, dried sitting for hours like
cement on the plate. Oh yes, she’s sitting
at the table reading the newspaper,
slaving over this plate, doesn’t she realize...
The football game! It’s 4 pm I have
an hour to get dressed! Looking outside…
Jack O Lantern withering, rotting, who’s
smile has diminished to an evil grin.
Scolding me for my impatience. I’ll be
there as soon as I can patient best friend
my dear mother is 76 years
old. Her cholesterol not on her mind
her old arteries are clogging like dried
mustard. It’s November and it’s raining.

It's Friday!

It's Friday! I'm thinking of all the things I need to do this morning, like laundry and going to Wally World! Gotta take a shower and get ready! My son is off today from school and I am home recouperating from minor surgery but I have to go to Wally World! Could I put it off? Sure, but I'm running out of coffee creamer and my favorite cereal, so the answer is no!! We're going out Saturday to watch the NE game and I'm excited. I got a new shirt at Husker Hounds with bling on it! I think my mom is coming along also with Sean and Kara. I love NE football. We have some great fans.
I've really been getting into Farmville, it's easy, brainless and fun. Although my farm is still small, I continue to go on each day and as I do can earn coins by harvesting what I have planted. Mostly fruit trees and wheat. I have a cow, some hay bails, 2 rabbits, a picnic table and some white fencing. Some of my wheat is almost ready for harvesting. I can go visit my neighbor's farms and have sent out a few new neighbor requests. Once I have so many neighbors I can expand my farm! That's my goal right now, I want to expand and increase what I plant. But then again, maybe the government will swoop in and turn off all my water to help save a 2 inch fish.

Mother's Intuition

Call it Mother's Intuition but I believe everyone has an intuition but they fail to listen to it. I believe there are times when I hear a little voice in my head, sometimes a nagging voice. It's a voice that says to me, "Wait a minute, take a another look at that, don't be in such a hurry. I think you got the answer wrong, maybe you should check with someone first." When I pay attention to this, for example, when I am working a claim, it goes in my favor. Meaning, when I make a decision on a claim and decide "I'm going to do it my way" and then I hear that voice, that intuition as I call it come into play, I am learning to listen and stop and get another opinion. From the times I can remember it's always paid off because I was in fact, wrong in my outcome. Another example would be when a thought of something happening pops in my head, "You'd better put that item by your purse or you will forget to take it with you in the morning". And I brush it off thinking, oh I'll do it later. The next day sure enough, I forget the item. Happens everytime. This morning I was lying in bed listening to my son get ready for school. I had a "feeling" he was going to get into an accident. Normally when I get that "feeling" I would say to him, "Be careful driving!" And this would kind of ward off that happening. I was unable to do that this morning. He called me letting me know he was rear-ended on his way to school. Telling my kid to be careful is like a subliminal message saying "Pay extra attention." I believe it works. Whether it's them driving to school or 3 years old playing on the jungle gym.

Life Insurance Claim

I learned some things today from a claim I was handling. A 20 yr old woman was found in the parking lot of her apartment complex and she had tire tracks on her. The police were investigating her death and had brought in the homicide unit. So I assumed I was dealing with a homicide. I contacted the police department and no, the beneficiary was not involved. I was re-evauating the claim today and decided to search for updated news articles. Good thing I did. I found one where the Medical Examiner was quoted as saying the girl's death was caused by heroine intoxication, ethanol intoxication and blunt force injuries. She basically passed out from the drugs and alcohol, was face down in the pavement and was backed into or run over. Now when this girl decided to get hooked on heroine, do you think she ever would have thought she would have ended up a human speed bump - so-to-speak? What a waste. She was beautiful. So I learned you never want to assume anything when handling claims and I was blown away by how many people get hooked on drugs and alcohol and don't think about this stuff. Are they that stupid? Her mother has lost a child.

First Day of Fall

Today is the first day of Fall and looking outside my window blogging, what do I see? There are a few leaves on the ground, mostly yellow and still soft-looking. The leaves on the trees are still pretty much green and lush. I enjoy the true colors of Fall when it is in full throttle - deep reds like a sunset and golden tones that remind me of wheat fields sparkling in the sun. And then there are the orangy reds and burnt oranges. The leaves crackle when you walk and there are tons of them. Brings back memories of raking them all up for the 10th time, exhausted, only to run and jump in them again. I'm talking childhood memories here! Can you smell the leaves around you? Take a deep breath and remember what it was like to jump in a pile of leaves...I enjoy traveling this time of year, just going for a long drive, looking off into the sunset and admiring all the trees. I look for all the different colors of Fall and catch the landscape, the scenery like a big picture filling up around me. Just gorgeous. Even along the Interstate the landscape is beautiful. I go on my walks at night and breathe in smelling the the most wonderful smell; firepits and bonfires! Burning wood and the smell of hotdogs roasting. Can you smell the hotdogs? Can you feel the chill in the air?

Waiting Room

I'm sitting here in the waiting room waiting for my husband to have a procedure done. I'm getting a little hyper and I'm bored. Can't wait to get out of here and enjoy having this day off and thinking about everything I have to do today. I'm sure he doesn't want to be here either, in fact, I know he doesn't. I think we'll stop for coffee after and then we are going to the bread store to buy some Rotella's hard roles - yum! I'm trying to plan for the game tomorrow; making chili and I thought those rolls would be good to have on hand. Then I have to go to Wally World for the rest of the stuff I need. Maybe a chocolate chip bagel from Panera! I've been good all week, I think I could do that! I hear it's really nice outside....sitting here watching The View, which I cannot stand. Turn the channel! They have Kate from Jon & Kate Plus 8 on sitting in for someone, how disgusting. I liked her up until, well you know...the show should be off the air. Apparently Kathy Griffin is doing a spoof on John & Kate Plus 8 and it does look like a hoot. Kate's hair is a little funky today, bet it drives her crazy. On the side that is long and straight, usually, and hanging down the side of her face; they have her hair wavy and curled out to the side, just sticking out there. When she moves her head it kind of moves with her like it's got a ton of products on it. Makes me want to take a straight iron to it! I saw some girl riding in a car this morning taking a straight iron and doing her hair right in the car! That's a new one. At least she wasn't driving! When will he be done?

Assignment #2 Poetry

I came up with two.


Take my hand
When I am one
And I turn from you
Guide me
Be firm
Show me you
Are in control
Don’t let me
Be defiant
Otherwise when
I grow older
You will have
Lost control



Remembering
Past relationships
Working
At First Data
Making so
Many friends
And then
Reconnecting
With them in
The present

Reading and writing poetry seems so profound.

Facebook

I started with Facebook to help keep track of my son's Lacrosse team. He plays for UNL so I did this out of let's say, necessity. After over a year being on Facebook on a limited basis, lots of doors have opened for me! All of the sudden I'm friends with my brother and my younger son who now has to use it in high school. That led me to finding a long lost friend of mine I used to work with at First Data Resources back in the day. She was on my brother's page as one of his friends (they graduated from Westside the same year). So, I sent her a friend request yesterday and today, I not only get a positive response from her, I also get 2 friend requests from girls I worked with at FDR who were HER friends listed on Facebook and saw my friend request! It was so exciting and I'm thinking, "Oh geeze, now THIS is fun! It was like a chain reaction! How great it is to find long lost people in your life that meant something to you!" Now we are all hooking up Friday night; amazing! I also went on my sister's page, she's in Jacksonville, and I sent a friend request to her as well. I saw people on her page that I recognized. This truly is a great way to reconnect with people. Unlike blogging, which I think encourages people to become self absorbed, Facebook is a way to look outside yourself. To look at other people's lives through their pictures, mostly, and reconnect.

Sister

I'm sitting here tonight trying to figure out what to write about. I had fun at last night's class and did find poetry writing challenging, until last night. Our instructor has a way of breaking down the creative barriers with his "anthying goes" approach, which helps. I am looking forward to writing my poem or poems once I lock in on an idea or find the time to just start writing. Different ideas are buzzing about in my brain, I'm waiting for one to settle. I am excited to try poetry. I am trying to take this "anything goes approach" to life as well. Not worrying so much, for example, if I have to talk in front of a group. I'm going to just got with it and be myself. Who cares?! It takes the pressure we sometimes put on ourselves. Excuse me, it takes the pressure off of myself that I sometimes put on myself. That's better. Went on my walk tonight, was a little humid but not too bad. Kind of chilly at first. Where did the summer go? I enjoyed talking to Heather last night and I enjoyed reading what she added to my Scene assignment, very funny. And I enjoyed adding to Lindsay's. It was a very fun evening.

As I was driving home from work I was listening to talk radio and at the beginning of the program they played Amazing Grace and another moving song. In the background you could hear real conversations taking place on 9/11 from emergency personnel talking to people via phone trapped in the twin towers. One conversation was a woman asking if she was going to die and the dispatcher asked her to pray with her. Another male dispatcher was telling a guy to stay calm, that they were on their way, just stay calm. It's amazing how fast those images and memories fade. I needed the reminder, really. It was so unbelievable, in fact that's exactly how one reporter described it, "Unbelievable, just unbelievable." I'm so glad I put my flag out this morning and I even wore a little flag pin on my shirt. Like my proud badge for patriotism. The important thing to remember is to never forget. The irony that day is that the government was wanting to decrease our defense spending that day, I think they were voting on a bill to do just that, or an Amendment. We've become so much smarter in our intelligence since 9/11, thanks to 9/11. I believe good can come out of evil. It's happening today, even as I speak. I'm proud to call myself an American.

ENG 1310 Assignment #1 "Scene"

Looking at my watch, it’s 6:45, time to head over to the Black Angus on 10th Avenue. Sorry boy, we’ll have to play ball later! That dog loves to play, chews up toys like they’re going out of style. Time goes by fast anymore, too fast. I glance at the thermometer outside, reads twenty-eight degrees, not too bad. I grab my lightweight jacket. It’s snowing again which is good; I enjoy seeing the large flakes streaming straight down, nice and heavy. Don’t much care for the sleet. I’m walking to the truck leaving footprints as I go. They’ll probably be completely covered by the time I get back so I’m glad I wore my boots. The old truck is holding up pretty well. It’s gonna have to until I’m done paying off my ex, I wish the old hag would get remarried. Seems to be more people out tonight, more than usual. I don’t much care to drive at night anymore; the glare gets to me. That’s what’s so nice about living so close to my favorite restaurant. Oh, here it is, The Black Angus. I love this place; the wooden vertical siding, the large porch with the wooden rails that look like small tree trunks. Looks like a lodge with that huge A frame roof. I pulled into the parking lot and looking off into the distance I can see the mountains. Guess that’s why I love Great Falls so much, the landscape is awesome. Being able to see the mountains in the background with the snow falling, it’s enough to get a guy all warmed up inside.
The air is filled with the scent of steaks grilling. Now I’m hungrier. I brush against the branches of a huge fir tree covered by snow. It’s so quiet and peaceful, like a huge blanket absorbing all the noise. Looks like the walk has been freshly shoveled.
I pulled the door open and can instantly hear the voices inside and the music in the background. Wendy greeted me. “Hi Wendy, are the boys here yet?”
“Oh yeah, your usual spot. How are you doing tonight, Russ?”
“Just fine, Wendy, thank you.”
Wendy knows how we all prefer a booth to a regular table, more comfortable. She’s always nice. She looks about 30 or so and always wears sneakers with her waitress outfit. Her legs are really muscular; she must be a body builder or something. Whatever she does, she needs to keep doing it. Then there’s Flo, she must be as old as I am, 60 or maybe she’s a year or two younger. There are more girls, of course, but Flo and Wendy are my favorites. Sometimes they’ll slip me a piece of pie on my way out the door. Flo always includes an extra little treat for the dog.
Did I say how much I love this place? You can smell the steaks grilling and they are always bringing warm yeast rolls to your table with cinnamon butter. I love the smell of those rolls. Flo says it’s because of the yeast. I’ve been coming here for years and they never get old. It’s like my second home here; so warm and cozy. Across the room you can see the fireplace. I remember when Jim, the owner, first built it. He built it from floor to ceiling, wall to wall. Now he really knew what he was doing. He used huge rocks with gray tones and dark tones with a hint of white like the snow, marbled through the rock. It even sparkles a bit, kind of like glitter or something. The hearth is made out of black slate rock, very heavy. I think it took him over a month to get it done. Everything in this place is solid, real quality work. I look around and see the wood all around, so rustic and charming. The ceiling is made out of car siding with a light golden finish, which really brightens up the place but not too much. The tables have a candle in the center placed in a small golden yellow candleholder. Must be a woman’s touch. Each table has a black rod iron lamp hanging down in the center with 3 little arms holding lights that look like teardrops. They always dim the lights just a bit at night and I like that.
The fire is really roaring tonight, I stop and place my hands in front of it feeling the flames and watching them dance around. I’m in a trance. It feels good. I’m listening to the music, Randy Travis.
Did I mention how all the girls are real friendly to me? I think they all feel sorry for me being divorced. I guess my wife and I just grew apart. She got tired of my always working and I got tired of her always nagging. It hit me by surprise though, didn’t see it coming at all. Now all the girls here at the Black Angus think she was a fool, they see how hard I work. They tell me what a good man I am and remind me that I never cheated on her. They admire that because I think most of them know what it feels like to be cheated on. But who knows, they didn’t have to live with me. Not like Gary, he lost his wife to cancer. Has it been a year? They were married for over 50 years. I feel bad for him; she was a great woman, not like my ex at all. Then there’s John. He’s such a kid, only 29 years old. He and his wife are expecting their first baby in a few months. Oh, to be young again.
“Hey buddy! Don’t get too close to that fireplace, it gets pretty hot!”
I sat down with the boys and said hello. We meet up here about once a week, usually Thursday.
“Here you go, Russ, your usual.” Flo brought me my favorite, a tall frosty mug with nice cold Bud. You can see the sweat beading down the sides making the frost slide down the glass. I didn’t even have to ask - now that’s service! A nice cold beer tastes so good going down. As my eyes wonder back over to the fire, I can hear John and Gary talking about something that happened at work. Something about an argument he had with another co-worker of theirs; John’s pretty upset. Looks like he’s already devoured 2 rolls and half the butter. I grab a roll and bite into it…melts right in your mouth. I put my nose real close to where I bit and take a deep whiff. It smells like heaven. Now I’m looking out one of the windows, the snow is coming down harder now. A large group of people just came in the door. Did I feed the dog its dinner?

The Hand

Well today was pretty fun at work. My co-worker who sits behind me had a dismemberment claim. A guy was moving a washing machine or something and somehow it fell on his hand dismembering it. I don't know all the details of the claim but I think we had originally denied his claim because the way his hand was severed did not meet the definition of "loss of member" in the policy. The claimant appealed it and when he did included color pictures of his hand, yes, just the hand by itself. He also included 2 color pictures of his arm and wrist with no hand attached - 2 different angles. My co-worker was told by one of our nurses the photos where in the file and she wanted nothing to do with them. She did not want to see them and was pretty addimant about it. I over heard the conversation and immediately requested to see them! How cool! It looked like something out of a gory movie ! Very cool, actually. I came up with the idea for Halloween bringing in a fake hand and putting on my co-workers desk. I immediately thought of The Adams Family with "The Hand". I remembered an old black and white movie, something about a hand that goes and attacks people, killing them. It went on and on. Pretty soon I was emailing hand pictures to 2 other co-workers that got as much of a kick out of the whole situation as I had. I told everyone to bring in a "hand on a stick" tomorrow, or those plastic clappers! I was having a ball with the whole situation...you gotta laugh, right?! Well, no, because my co-worker handling this claim has no sense of humor. You cannot tease her or give her a hard time. She doesn't know how to laugh at herself. How sad to take things so seriously. Me? I had a great day. I hope nobody reads this and has lost a hand or something...

Better days

Well, I was hoping to feel a little more chipper today but it's not happening for me. I keep thinking about Star and her tragic death. We found out from the autopsy Star was poisoned with rat poison. It had to be intentional, Bobbee does not keep any sort of rat poison at home and if she did, would never keep it within pet reach. I try not to think how such a derranged person could do such a thing. She wants to get another dog and I think that's a good idea. I think it's bothering me too having my older son, Jon, back in Lincoln. I get used to him being away, I get to see him for a brief time, he leaves again and all the thoughts and emotions come back. Not as strong as they once did, which is good, but they are still there. I am somewhat of a worrier. So, because I am such a person, when I find myself worrying I ask God to step in and take care of Jon or Richard that day. I take my worries and place them in His hands. It seems to help a lot. I try not to take them for granted. The 3rd anniversary of my dad's death day is coming. I learned from a Medium that the dead prefer to be remembered on their death day, not their birthday. I found my dad's obituary and picture in my drawer and it made me remember. I sat there thinking of him and it made me sad. The death of a parent really puts your life in perspective. You go through this process of realizing your mortality. It's surreal. I cannot even fathom what it would be like to lose a child. Ok, it's time to lighten up!

Labor Day

Well, today's Monday, Labor Day. I just got back from Columbus, NE. My in-laws live there on Lake Wagner. I had to leave at 2 pm to come home with my son, Richard, so he could go to work. My husband left a couple of hours after us with the boat and the dogs. I have decided I am not crazy about Labor Day weekend. Everything seems to dry and looks different. There are leaves on the ground out at the lake, brown and dry and you can hear the cottonwood leaves in the wind, more than usual, it seems. The lake is not as clear, has kind of a yellowish tint. The air is cooler and feels different. I wish I could bring myself to imagine the beginning of something; the beginning of Fall which leads to Winter! These are things I enoy but I can't. I get kind of down, kind of lost in my thoughts. I feel like the stars aren't all lining up. My older son went back to Lincoln to college. I remember being that age. I'd rather be hanging out with my friends than with my parents. I get that. It makes me feel old.
Tomorrow is another day, a work day. I know once I get back to work and back into my routine, I will be fine. Heck, maybe when I go on my walk tonight wearing my headphones, listening to my favorite music, that uplifting step will come back to my stride. I can feel it already.

Sitting on hold

Today I was processing a death claim, nothing unusual about his one. The manner of death was ruled accident, as so many drug overdoses are. I had to call the Santa Barbara Sheriff's Office to inquire about the police report. I use the information from the death certificate to find out where the death occured and then call both the County Sheriff's Office and the city 's police office until I determine who's juristiction the case is under. This time I started with the county sheriff. A woman answered the phone and had to place me on hold to determine if it was in their jurisdiction. Immediately I find myself listing to the most beautiful classical music. Now this is the kind of music I don't mind listening to but will not seek it out on purpose. I was kind of surprised, actually. I started observing what was on my desk; my red plastic water bottle with my company logo on it, my 1/2 full bottle of diet cherry coke (helps get rid of gas pains!), my coffee cup. All of the sudden my mind wonders off. I am envisioning 2 people dancing, like from the 50's or 60's. Something you'd see in an old black and white movie. It was so beautiful and calming. I let myself go and my mind continued to wonder and picture this couple dancing on a ballroom floor. The woman had brown hair pinned up on her head and a long flowing gown with her bare arms showing. Her skin was fair. Of course the man was tall, dark and handsome. It was so pleasurable...until abruptly the music stopped and reality came back as sudden as it took a break; the woman was back on the line with me. Oh, put me back on hold, I was thinking...sigh. I truly enjoyed that moment.

Star died today

I got a call this morning at work from my husband. Star had died. I said "What? What happened?"
Now Star is my sister-in-law's blue Weimaraner. Bobbee got Star after her other dog died. Sicily was very old so we all were pretty much ready for her to go. She had a good life, well taken care of. Bobbee got Star about a month after Sicily was gone. We even went with Bobbee to pick out her new puppy. Last night around dinner time Star got very sick. She's only a year old! She started to vomit, had a hard time breathing, had green secretions coming out of her nose and seemed to be in a lot of pain. Bobbee took Star to the family vet in Columbus, NE. They did some bloodwork and tests and found Star's heart was enlarged. They didn't know what was wrong with her. Now it just so happens Bobbee started a new job recently at a dog groomers. I guess they have a vet hospital there too so Bobbee took Star to the hospital last night and they did more tests, keeping her overnight. While Bobbee was at work this morning, Star went into cardiac arrest and died. They are going to perform an autopsy. I couldn't believe it. We had just seen her last weekend. I cannot imagine a pet going through that but I can imagine the heartache Bobbee must have felt seeing her dog in such agony. So sad. We get so attached to our pets, I know I am. I never thought I'd ever be so attached to my dogs. But I do believe with all my heart, Star's up in heaven playing and having fun with Ila, Bobbee's daughter who was killed in a car accident about 6 years ago...

My new neighbor

I'm sitting here looking out my window at the clouds. I am very fortunate, I have my computer in the bedroom with a big window that I can look out and see the neighbors. Well, I can see 2 houses from my viewpoint, actually. Anyway, I'm looking out the window and I see clouds, it seems chilly but I don't know. To be honest I haven't even been outside today. I left the garage this morning to go to work, pulled into another garage to park, and went through a tunnel to my building. Ugh, what's the temperature out? I'll have to find out when I go on my walk, before it gets dark...So I'm looking out my window at the house our new neighbors moved into. We found out they're "Green". Meaning, they don't believe in using fertilizers and apparently it also means they don't believe in using a real mower - with an engine. The guy uses a push mower with no engine - yes, I said no engine! You know, like you'd see Wally using on Leave It To Beaver! Please don't tell me you don't know Wally! Apparently they don't believe in trimming trees or bushes either. Maybe I'll go over in the dark and do it for them! Ha. What's that on their sliding glass door? Looks like a note of some kind....hmmm. I feel like a Peeping Tom. Everything is so green outside, no pun intended. I love Fall, all seasons really. It gives me something to look forward to. Well, gotta go walking!

Ending My Stress Level

Well, I could sit here and go on and on about how stressful my day was. How many Life insurance claims did I process today? Too many to count. So instead I am going to blab, excuse me, "blog" about what I enjoyed about today. I'm new to this blogging thing; I'm a rookie. I enjoyed my cereal this morning. I enjoyed the crunch and the fact that it was healthy and I was hungry. Thank God for cereal! I enjoyed listening to my radio program this morning, 94.1. I remember them talking about something very funny but at the moment do not remember what exactly it was that made me laugh out loud. I enjoyed listening to the radio on the way home; talk radio. It didn't make me laugh though. Oops, almost started talking about a topic that will increase me stress level, let's move on...I enjoyed coming home and devouring 3 pieces of pizza in a matter of seconds! I like any kind but pepperoni is my favorite. Godfather's. I am going to enjoy walking tonight, the weather is terrific for being outside! I'm going to enjoy the trail and seeing all the trees, birds, catepillars etc...as I listen to my headphones. I love music and sometimes get carried away, swinging my arms and snapping my fingers. I'm sure I'm pretty amusing to people who see me but who cares. It's fun! I love to walk by the park and see how many kids are there, are they behaving? I'm like the neighborhood watch sometimes. The kids are probably thinking, "Who is this lady?" I'm off to get my shoes!

Scooter

Scooter is a Boston Terrier and is five years old. He's black, brindle and white. His beard is graying, although he seems so young to have any gray. He has a black spot on his head we call "God's thumprint". He's a smart as a whip and charming yet he can be very manipulative. Just watch his expressions, he has tons of them. His ears stick up like triangles on top of his head. He loves to prance around with a toy in his mouth as he cocks his head to the side saying "Come and try to yank this toy from me, you just come and try!" He prances and dances around showing off. He loves the attention and he loves to do tricks. He knows how to sit, of course, shake hands, the usual. But his pride and joy is crashing and then doing a roll. A crash command is kind of like tilling him to sit with his belly to the floor, paws out in front, head down. He gets so exciting all you have to do is grab a treat and call him over to you. When he sees you point to the floor, bam! He's done both tricks in a matter of seconds. And then the prancing starts. He provides lots of fun and entertainment in our house. I cannot imagine life without him. He even has a tatoo!